Changing

It’s amazing to me how much can change in six years. Six years ago, I was about to enter my senior year in high school.

I come from a small town. A place where, at the time when I was growing up and living in ignorance, you felt safe walking around as a teenaged girl by yourself. You didn’t feel like you would be robbed or attacked. You felt…safe.

And then I moved to college, where my world was opened up. I realized that my friends whom I had had in high school weren’t really my friends, and I realized that the world isn’t a safe place. I learned that I had lived in ignorance my entire life. And I was grateful for having been that ignorant when I was young. It made me more open to the world, and more optimistic about things. There are some times I wish I was still that ignorant.

Facebook has their memory app, and I saw a post I had made six years ago. And seeing it actually made me chuckle at myself, and wonder what I was thinking.

“So I went for a walk today. It made me realize that in just one year…I’m no longer going to be in this small town. It depresses me- this place is the town I’ve grown up in my whole life. This is where my life is- my friends, my family….I don’t want to leave, but I know I have to in order to learn and to grow. I just hope I can come back to this town one day….”

Twenty-three year old me is shaking my head, and saying how I wished I had known more back then. I didn’t realize just how much I would change in college. I hadn’t realized just how much I had changed while I was in college, until seeing this post.

At seventeen, I was naive. I was simply dating my husband at the time, and we had plans for our future. I was going to go to college (at that time, certain I would go to one college, but ended up at another) to be an English teacher. He was going to go to trade school for carpentry for two years. And when I was done with my schooling we were going to get married, and build on his parents’ land, which we would buy from them. We had the lot picked out and everything. We were going to have children after five years of being married, and they would have some of the same teachers we had. We thought we knew everything.

And then I went to college 100 miles away, and fell in love with the town. I still had the small town feel I wanted with it, and yet had the excitement of a city. And so our plans changed. I changed my major.We got married. We bought a house in the college town. And now, we’re trying for kids after two years.

I knew early on that I no longer wanted to come back to my small hometown. He took a little convincing, but I knew that I didn’t want to return. At least, not for good. My mother still lives in my hometown, and so we go for weekend visits, but it’s not the same. I can’t wait to go back to my own home. That town is no longer my home. My college town is my home, and I wouldn’t change it for the world.

I write this because it shocked me how much I had changed in six years. And so, if you’re not happy with where you are in life right now, don’t worry about it. Things will change. You will change. And you may not realize it happening, but it will happen. And so don’t feel like you’re stuck. You can change, and you may not realize how much you are changing for a few years. Hopefully, you change for the better.

Love you all!

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